39 weeks 2 days…a bittersweet ending…

Confession: As much as I cannot wait to meet baby Adam, have my body back, breathe easier, etc., I will truly miss being pregnant. I love feeling little feet pummel the side of my abdomen as I clean around the house. I will miss the hiccups that keep me awake at nighttime (or wake me up in the wee hours of the morning). I will always treasure the knowledge that I’ve carried this beautiful being inside of me for nine months, nurtured it, talked to it, and loved it. Baby Adam has been a part of me, my life, my body for 9 (almost 10) months now, and it’s going to be weird to not have him inside of me. It’s hard when people ask me if I’m ready to have this baby…the answer is a double-edged sword for me…yes, I am feeling a little fatigued from carrying a 5 gallon bucket on the front of me; yes, I am ready to get into a routine with a baby; yes, I’m ready to be reminded what an infant is like vs. having a toddler, but no, I’m not looking forward to “giving up” what has been a beautiful journey (boy, that sounds a little granola) till now. I’ve loved being pregnant…even the anemia has not been that bad (having gestational diabetes last time was worse). The worst part is running out of clothes to wear as my belly is SO HUGE…and I just can’t pull off the midriff-baring shirts (especially in 20 degree weather). It was also harder to be pregnant this time as I had a two and a half year old to keep up with that didn’t understand why Mommy didn’t want to wrestle, or lay down on the floor, or didn’t have a lap anymore. I’m pretty sure this is the last time I’ll be pregnant (unless God has other plans I’m unaware of). Eric and I have always talked about having two biological children, waiting until they were both in school, then adopting two little girls. I’ve always thought I was going to be a mom of two little girls or at least a boy and a girl. Instead, God blessed me with two boys…and I think He did that to preserve the calling that has been on my heart since even before I met Eric. I’ve always felt that I was supposed to adopt these two little girls (domestic, international, I don’t care) at the same time for some reason. I remember talking to Eric about it before we even dated to find out what his thoughts were on the matter. I know that some people are not comfortable with adopting, and that’s okay—I just knew that if a future husband of mine was not “on board”, it would cause tremendous grief for me. Thankfully, Eric was all for it. We both had (and still have) no idea how we would go about it, find the finances for it, etc., but we’re trusting God to give us guidance when the time comes.

BOY- you can tell I don’t get to have much adult conversation!! Look how much I’ve written! Ha ha—well, I went to the doctor today and when she checked me, she said I was 1 cm dilated (much better than hearing her say “oh, you have a dimple” like she did last week). She said that she doesn’t expect me to have a 10 lb. baby (thank goodness). She’s also not going to be concerned with inducing me until I’m more than a week overdue. She advised that I go walking…so as soon as Caleb wakes up from his nap, we’re going to head out to the local mall (a tiny one, thank goodness, as I’m not much one for crowds) and get some exercise. Maybe that’ll encourage Adam to “come on”. At least we got through the Superbowl with no labor!! :) Thanks for “listening”- whoever you are!

1 Response to "39 weeks 2 days…a bittersweet ending…"

  1. Helen Joy says:
    February 8, 2010 at 7:09 PM

    If only every Mama was as thankful and grateful for the journey as you:-) I absolutely bawled reading this! It was so sweet and so precious. I cannot imagine thinking it was my last time pregnant, but that's probably because I know God has a few more babies in store for me. 2 little girls by adoption is wonderful. That's amazing you knew it so early! I cannot wait for our date tomorrow.
    Love HJ:-)